Carpal tunnelling for amusement

For those who don't know and contrary to popular opinion, carpal tunnelling is not how you fish in a cave, it is in fact a moderately annoying disease. So I haven't been writing here much because my wrist have been bothering me. I think I am developing carpal tunnel but I can't be sure, although I asked a friend who is in Med School and she said probably it's not and then she called me a "lazy weak pussy". All that money and time in med school and they can't teach her any manners. Anyway, it's always sad when you realize your friends aren't any good at their chosen profession huh, because it's definately carpal tunnel. I am trying to make an appointment with my doctor the hack, but I'm a little concerned. The last time i was there he had a vial of blood in his shirt pocket and it fell out when he leaned over and he told me how it was supposed to have been refrigerated hours ago and he tried to lean it against the wall on the desk and it fell so he put it back in his pocket because he couldn't get it stay upright. Ummm, I'm afraid if I say my wrist is bothering me he'll ask to see it then just hack it off. That would be a bummer, although I might be less depressed by the cloudy days to focus my depression on my hand, or my stub :( . I guess I could always have my severed hand stuffed and put it on my mantle, at least it would give a conversation starter. That's not as bad as it sounds, I realized years ago I have anywhere from .5-2 hours of conversation with most people and then one of us wanders off, physically or mentally. I can stretch this if I need to, or if we only see each other sometimes. It's unfortunate and depressing, but it's who I am.

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." That's Vonnegut (more or less, can't remember it exactly), I think I quoted it before, and I figured it was appropriate to toss in since he recently passed. I was sad when he died, he always seemed to be on the right side and had an extremely interesting and creative way of expressing himself. He also had one hell of a tough life at times, being in Dresden when we fire bombed it, cleaning up cadavers afterwards, people dying (ok that's all of us, but his sister and brother in law died close together, something like days, etc). Anyway, even though I said above only 1/2 in jest that i have approximately 8 hours of conversation with someone, it's rare that someone finds me interesting or that i find them interesting for long periods of time. I have and will continue to reread Vonnegut and, even if he wouldn't have found me interesting, I continually find his writing to be. And so on.

Just as an afterthought, think about how recently it was that we were firebombing entire cities during wars, and how different it is now. Seriously think about that, what that means. It's crazy, in all the good and all the bad ways that modern society is crazy.