America. Or maybe just Friday evening frustration

It has probably been said the art of a country defines it. I don't think I can name a single artist. Does that mean I cannot define America? Well, I don't think I can anymore. Recently, I have been wandering through the online archives of America, the internet and the newspapers and the blogs. I'm not talking about popular culture, which just doesn't interest me all that much, and I'm not talking about politics because that is a profession now not a public service. Politicians seek to maintain their power, not benefit America. Look at the war. Look at the farm bill. Look at almost anything a politician supports and you can almost always trace back their link to it, via former or future work (think lobbying money), constituency (think farm bill/gas mileage/minimum wages), or just plain old money (see pharmaceutical/big business lobby). The argument is to protect your constituency/money/future/power, but at what cost? These people aren't Americans. I don't respect anyone running for president. If you are a true nationalist, if you truly love America, you tell people what they don't want to hear even to your own future detriment for the future good of your country. Do you believe any of the candidates would do that? Maybe I will vote, but I am not passionate about any of them.

So what is America? There is a line from the poem America by Ginsberg where he says, "It occurs to me I am America. I am talking to myself again." It's a good poem, you should read it. This blog is really a conversation to myself. Or sometimes it is. More importantly, it is tonight. I seek America because I love America. It's my home, and that means something. I love my family because they mean something. I love my friends, my true friends, because I believe they will help me when I need them and I will help them when they need me. That's friendship, regardless of where I am or they are. I don't love the American dream though. Can I live in that dichotomy? I don't want to own a house. I don't want to be the richest man in my neighborhood. I truly believe I could be if I tried, but at what cost? When would I read? When would I drink coffee with my friends? Play tennis? Sit by the bay? Just say hello?

I found 2 things recently that just blew my mind. I realize America is a big country, and I really only understood that after living in a much smaller country. Not just smaller physically, but smaller in so many other ways I can't explain. It was damn near impossible to get around, but it still felt one big neighborhood sometimes.

The first item is this: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/06/fashion/06push.html?em&ex=1197176400&en=2ce83a2c57a58291&ei=5087%0A

This is what America has come to? The love of a man and women, which can be manifested in so many wonderful ways physically and emotionally and through action, often culminating in a child. Now, the child isn't the only culmination of that love? Really? You need a ring or earings or a bracelet or something to remind you of your children? Does that meaningless but possibly expensive materialistic item represent them somehow? What about your memories of them? Your love for them? I think ultimately if I found out my father gave my mother diamond earrings she loved when I was born, 2 earrings because I was the 2nd child, it would me hate them both. Did she carry me for that? Was I worth it? When she wears them and remembers me, is that the only time she loves or remembers me? She needs a physical representation of me to love me? It's hard enough becoming a person, won't this bullshit just complicate it more, make our children more materialistic and more neurotic and push us all over the cliff of craziness? I'm afraid of Americans. I'm afraid to go out sometimes, these are people I meet. I was at a birthday party yesterday for a girl I met once before who said her wedding ring should be 5 months salary! She said he could afford it. Sometimes that's not the point. I'll be honest I have a lot of things, maybe to many things. But I don't have everything I could have. That's not how you should define your life, is it? Who are we? Do I belong here? How do I fit in? It's a big country, but recently a lot of people feel like they are all the same...

So I found this mildly interesting and irritating. My problem with this op-ed piece, which means it is one persons opinion and he has an agenda to push latin. Fine. The issue with this is that there isn't any context. His issues seems to be the decline of rhetoric in this country, especially from our leaders. I agree, our political system is a joke, only nobody laughs except the rich and powerful. The author blames this on not studying Latin. Seriously? Is that the only thing that has changed in the last 50 years in our world? Is that even the most important thing? Let's say Hugo Chavez knew Latin? Would the author honor him? I agree the political process is broken, but is Latin really the major problem? And this is published in a major newspaper without a rebuttal. You don't like the NY Times? Fine, you are entitled. Give me a better source for news and ideas... That's the problem. People don't read. You don't have to read Latin to improve your oratory or build your vocabulary, you have to things that are well written. You have to think. You have to practice. You have to be willing to give yourself up to study and focus and self awareness and your own mind. Does that happen? If I studied TS Elliot and Joyce and Shakespeare for 2 years, don't you think my ability to speak in allusions and beautiful long sentences would increase? I could read Hamlet or the Bible and pick up something. If I read Marquez and Borges and McCarthy for 2 years, won't I be more creative? What the hell does Latin have to do with it? There are a lot of problems in America with focus (we focus on money but we don't focus on accountability for politicians and CEOs does not exist, we worship beauty not brains, we focus on short term goals/money/oil not long term sustainability -an old teacher was always amazed by a fact he threw out that native americans made decisions based on the 7th generation. It might have been only partially true, but it's certainly something no longer in the debate), but is studying Latin really that important?

Where do we go for knowledge? As a country, do we even collectively seek knowledge? I have decided the internet, which was supposed to bring this to everyone, is not the solution. It is an amazing start, but only if you can think. Why don't we teach people to think? Why don't we value people who can think? Why do we hate people smarter than us? I love them, and I hate them because I want to be smarter than them. I am not sure if I actually wrote this, but I had a very interesting conversation about competition and drive and how i intentionally turned that off in me. I said that competitiveness was killing me, Ihad to control it. Later, I realized I stopped competing athletically (mostly) to focus on competition of the mind. I love being smarter. I'm an ass maybe, but that's my thing. I don't think I'm arrogant - I'm a very gracious winner... That's just what gets me going, smart people who can teach me things.

I had a lot of problems in college, I struggled with who I was and where I was and what I wanted to study. A lot of people do. I don't always analyze things correctly, but at least college taught me to think, to analyze. As they say, I wouldn't give nothing for my journey now. Do you think a lot of Americans can say that?