In an effort to draw attention away from the Alberto Gonzalels resignation, the administration will soon announce a new program to finally defeat terrorism in Iraq. Your loyal reporter only has a partial transcript of the new program, tentatively titled "One Alex for every Akhmed."
"... and based on the undeniable recent success of the surge, we have decided to end violence in Iraq once and for all. If 20,000 more troops can make Iraq as safe as an Indiana farm festival, a million more American volunteers can end violence indefinitely. Our new program, entitled One Alex for every Akhmed, will put an American volunteer in every Iraqi home. This cooperation between the free people of America and the free people of Iraq will guarantee continued love between our countries and further enable the Iraqi government to continue on their path of success. We used to say the man is the king of his castle, now we say the cooperation of our two great nations will be the king of your huts! Iraqi people, America has not forgotten nor forsaken you.
To our patriotic straight male citizens, if you believe in freedom and liberty, please show up at the nearest army recruitment office to receive your gun and your new family. If you speak Arabic, please let us know. I swear you will be sent to Iraq to join your new family, and not into a mysterious invisible prison somewhere underwater for potential terrorists..."
At this point, the transcript is lost, but I'm sure more details will be announced tomorrow.
Your humble reporter breaking the news before it's news.
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