The religion of happiness?

After my last blog, I got one email from someone saying this is the type of conversation he always tried to have with me when I was drunk (why you don't become friends with psych majors) and another note agreeing with me. Two responses! That is much higher than the normal 0. Anyway, today I speak only of happiness. I have decided to start a faith based on happiness alone. My happiness. I'm my own god now, screw everyone else.

So how do I start? Well first I tune out the world because everything is bathed in evil. Look through your closet. Find your wall map (you do have a world map on your walls, right?) and put a pin or a sticker on every country where a piece of your clothing was made. Does it feel exploitative? Don't even think about finding out about coffee picking, fruit production, or human trafficking, they all have dark sides. So I'm giving up on reality. My religion is going to be bathed in a vat of denial so deep even a dolphin couldn't swim out. And I'm not saving the dolphins anymore, I'm eating evil tuna. And if I find out gin is made from bones and kidneys stolen from war orphans, I am still drinking it. I like gin. I'm trying to keep it simple, it's that kind of religion my children. This is the big one, if I can't do this I might be forever bound to the realm of mortals, no deification for me.

What are the other tenants?
2nd: no bad music or boring parties. Really, do I even need to explain.
3rd: move every few years. I want to see the world.
4th: be mean. I have been nice to people my whole life and I'm tired of it. Most of the people I am nice to are terrible people and don't deserve it. The rest of the people are nice and will forgive me. Maybe that is why I have been such a little ball of anger for so long.
6th: ignore my cell phone. OK, I already do that.
7th: stop being so outgoing. Isn't my laptop and itunes enough really?
8th: Trade Allen Iverson. Apparently the 76ers need my help.
9th: develop this list of ideas until even L. Ron Hubbard is jealous.
10th: keep blogging until it bores me.

All money can be sent to me in an effort to spread my religion. I, and everyone in my mission, appreciate your support.

I guess the only remaining question is if this religion kicks off, do I need to buy trendier clothing? I think the robe and sandals thing is cliche...